Walking Contradiction

I have decided that I am a walking contradiction, lol. It is funny how life works and how things you thought you want you don't and things you didn't want you do. 3 years ago a girlfriend and I started a secular (well an inclusive homeschool group). We tried to get it going but nothing came of it... until this past spring when it has taken off and has boomed. Problem is that as much as I wanted this and it is kinda mine in the sense that I was one of the founders I am stuck in it. In a lot of ways I really like it and how it is growing, in other ways I am struggling with it. Over the past 3 years the Lord has changed a lot of things in my life and now I am left trying to sort it all out. It is sad to think that what I wanted from this group has finally come into place but I just am not so sure I want it anymore. So I am greatful in a lot of ways that we will be moving. It is an easy way out but in the end I know that even if I wasn't moving I wouldn't be able to stay in the group for long. Yet, I still care how it goes.

Then there is a whole 'nother thing. For a few months I was really studying what the Lord has to say about clothing and modesty. Then I kinda just left it, for awhile I was trying to wear skirts but it is so easy to wear shorts and pants. But lately... it has been bothering me. Especially now that I am pregnant and am hoping for a girl. I don't know why but it has been 7 years since I had a baby and I have learned a lot of things since then and there are a lot of things I would like to do different.

Anyways, in the end I guess it comes to down one thing. I have not been spending a lot of time with the Lord lately. Which I need to do. So that I may see where it is I am going and where it is he is leading me.